A message to the future mothers
/Tomorrow is my due date. I continue to be amazed by the strength of my own body, as I have grown and am now carrying another human being for the third time within 6 years. I sense the fear that others have for my impending labor. It isn’t polite to ask the details of what I have planned, but I know what people wonder. Will she get an epidural? Will she get a C-section? Will it destroy her vagina? Will she tear? Get an episiotomy? Is SHE SCARED?
You see, I was raised to ask all these questions, as many women have been, by a society that has been horribly misinformed as to what bearing children is really like. That’s right, I’m going to say that you have flat out been lied to. If you are like most women I know, you have been taught that your body can’t possibly give birth without a lot of assistance. I know you’ve been told that you can’t handle the pain associated with labor without use of pain medication or an epidural. And, I’m sure that you have been told through more than one facet of society that your lady parts will never be the same.
All of these ideas SCREAM disempowerment. And I am here to tell you that every single one of these ideas has not been true for me, or for many other women who won’t break the social norms of not discussing it, or even have a platform to do so. The truth is that women have been giving birth naturally and basically unassisted since the beginning of human life, approximately 6 million years. The female body is perfectly designed and has evolved to grow and birth children. If it has a problem doing so, the problem is more likely to stem from bad nutrition (fake processed food), obesity, toxic overload of chemicals and pollution, etc. than it does from your body’s own capabilities. Giving birth is as natural as eating, peeing, pooping, sleeping…you get it, right? It isn’t a medical emergency. In fact, it has been proven time and time again that your body has to be producing oxytocin (the love/relaxation) hormone in order to open the cervix to give birth, yet we continue to allow medical interference that produces adrenaline (the flight/fight hormone). We know the baby most easily emerges while standing, squatting, or on all fours, but you won’t ever see a medical professional that doesn’t have a woman birthing on her back with her legs up in the air if not instructed otherwise by the birthing momma. But enough on the medical part of it. I have done my own extensive research and education, and I know what I believe about birth. I also know many people would argue against the planned home birth I have quickly approaching. But this blog is more about just that- the woman getting to make her own decisions, and by doing so, not losing the incredible experience that childbirth can bring.
My mother always insisted that natural birth was the way to go. I was terrified of the pain I was sure that would entail and always believed I would opt for an epidural. But once I learned about all the side effects, potential errors, and lasting problems women had from them, I was sure I could do it the way women have for 6 million years- allowing the body to produce crazy hormones and believing I could make it through any pain. My first natural labor was 17 hrs and yes, it was ridiculously painful, even with all the hypnobirthing techniques I learned and help from a doula. But the 2nd birth was literally almost pain-free. And I made it through them both, with beautiful babies that were worth every minute of discomfort. My girl parts not only healed quickly, but to my complete shock, they were no worse for the wear. I actually enjoy sex far more AFTER having kids than before. Now, I know this isn’t every woman’s experience, but considering that a huge amount of women are told that this isn’t possible, and that TONS of women are opting for elective C-sections to “save” their future sex lives, I think it is something that is important that more women speak up about.
You are a goddess capable of creating life. Your body is stronger than you imagine. You have more grit and tenacity than you know. Becoming a mother is not something that is going to make you less desirable or less of a woman. For those that choose to be mothers, it can be the most empowering and enlightening experience(s) of your life to be pregnant and give birth. The old stories being told in modern U.S. society that women are physically and mentally not able to give birth naturally are hog-wash. In my opinion, they are another creation of a male-centric, medically confused, off-balance system that grew during a phase of disempowering women’s strength and abilities by those who are threatened by them, or out to profit from the ideas that mock women’s instincts.
Know that I understand there is also a place for medical assistance during childbirth. And, I don’t believe in shaming any person that has had their own experience with any form of birth. But when an acquaintance asked me about 6 months into this pregnancy, “Do you have a date set for an induction? Or your C-section scheduled?” I knew I needed to write this. When my husband’s co-worker has a wife that is actually an OBGYN and has scheduled her own second C-section, I knew I had to write this. When my husband’s other co-workers couldn’t believe I wouldn’t want a C-section- one had the gall to ask my husband, “Didn’t she have to have stitches after her last two natural births? Why would she not want to have a C-section?”, I knew I had to write this.
I have a lot more I’d love to say about this topic, but this is a blog and not a book. It is obvious that the men in our society are just as misinformed as I was as a young girl. To answer your question, NO, I am not scared. I am completely confident in my ability to give birth in the coming days to my third child. I am excited, not worried. I completely trust my body and the natural process of birth. I know that it will be a life-changing event that will make me even stronger than I can currently comprehend.
Thankfully, I believe that women are waking up quickly to the truth of what becoming a mother is really about- helping you to evolve to become even more powerful than you already are and to recognize the strength that was already within you, waiting for a facet so that you would be able to believe it for yourself.
